Summin' up a Hectic Weekend!!!

My last post was dated the day my exams would have ended officially but didn't due to the one that was postponed. Anyhow, I came back home on 4th and would reached here on 5th. But as bad luck would have it, I began sneezing my nose off by noon and it just wouldn't leave me alone. And it turned out to be a vicious, diabolic bout of cold. But the funny thing was, I had all the energy in the world to do things. The only problem was everything from my throat up felt clogged, if you know what I mean. Well, it subsided, but now its time for me to leave. Today. I've got exams on 11th followed by practicals, so I don't know when I'll be back. But this blog'll keep on talking....

Transience of Plans...

I have always said this, that I am afraid to anticipate something happening for fear that it wont. My life is riddled with examples of the sort which seem to prove the proverb "There's many a slip between the cup and the lip". So much so that I think it should be my catchphrase or moniker. If you have gone through my blog, you will find numerous quotes by me about the aforementioned curse, if you will. I have always tried to not anticipate good times coming to me, because they don’t, most of the time. I am not saying that I have a miserable life, that is far from true, but most of the time, what I desire is not what I get, and most of the time, it is not because I didn’t try.

I, like all others, find it extremely easy to give the cheapest and most abundant thing on the planet, that is free advice. I advised my cousin, who has been having similar problems, that it is enough that you try, it doesn't matter if you don’t come first, and the like. I try to live by such a philosophy too, but sometimes…it just doesn’t seem to work.

"You've got your rules and your religion,

All designed to keep you safe…

But when rules start getting broken,

You start questioning your faith…"

( Randy Orton's theme song "Voices")

I have in turn got a lot of advices from a lot of people on the same, consoling me, that I did everything I could, it just wasn’t in my hands, its not my fault and the like, but I'd like to quote from Dr. House from House M.D.

"THAT'S THE POINT!! I did everything right, she died anyway! Why the hell do you think that would make me feel any better?!"

Well, what can I say, I just felt I had to let this out somehow.

Plans are one of the most curious things in the world. The way they change, implode right in front of our eyes, and leave us feeling let down, it all leads us to think, what is going on? We have been taught right from the start, that we need to plan every minute of our lives, every step that we take and all the choices that we make have to be planned beforehand. We have been exposed to the proverb saying 'People don’t plan to fail, they fail to plan'. We are made to believe that a plan alone can be the key to success. And yet most often in life, we have a plan, we strictly abide by it and prepare for our moment of success, when all of a sudden our plans go horribly wrong. Suddenly, it's out of our hands. We did everything we could and infinitely more, and yet we could not seal the deal. How is it that we are supposed to feel good, knowing that we did our best?

Perhaps it is time to review what we teach children nowadays. Perhaps we shouldn’t teach them all of this, or at least teach them this also.

"Just because you did everything right doesn’t mean you get what you want. It just means you have a 1% chance of getting it more than others, and that 1% is most of the time non-existent".

I know it's not a big deal…but that's me...

Integrals, Fourier Series, Transforms...Someone Save Me!!!

ALERT: THIS POST IS MEANT FOR ADULT READING ONLY! IF YOU ARE UNDER THE AGE OF 17 PLEASE GET YOUR PARENT NEARBY. YOU WONT UNDERSTAND A WORD OF WHAT IS WRITTEN HERE OTHERWISE!!!!
                                            YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!!!


My exams started today, and the first one was maths. Cant say I messed it up, I did pretty alright, but I've got to say this.
About one hour into the exams, my head jammed. All I could make out was a fuzzy noise. It is uncommon for me to be dazed in an exam hall, but as it happens, maths is not one of my strong points, it is, if you will, my Achilles' Heel. Its not that I score bad in maths, not at all, but the thing is, I hate it.
I don't know, I never had such a reaction back in school, till 12th. And in 12th, I saw my nemesis, and it is called Integration. I could never get a hang on it, and I wrote my board exams and entrance without fully knowing it. And whenever I came across a question on it in entrance, I'd simply skip it. And as time passed, I began to resent and dread that elongated 'S' shape whenever I see it.
And came college. I could solve one integral with difficulty, now I was expected to solve double and triple integrals. And it really came to a head this semester.
That is what brings me to today's exam . The exam was littered with those long curves that I have grown to dread. And there was Fourier transform and the like, littered with integrals as usual, and coupled with limits and coefficients. Is it from 0 to pi? Or -pi to +pi? Or was it 0 to 2pi? Was the coefficient 1/pi or its root? The questions were endless and it was with a grat relief that I left the hall.
And what's more???This is not done....I have to deal with this and more next semester...Somebody Save Me!!!!!

I am Back.............

I thought of throwing in the towel, and I actually did, for a couple of days. I deactivated my FB account due to God knows what and wrote my farewell message on my blog. Maybe I thought these things were not worth it. But the last couple of days were extremely rushed,  I was in an extremely bad mood and I made these hasty decisions. And indeed, haste makes waste.

On retrospection of these on-the-spur decisions, I realised that that was not what I intended to do at all. I had lost control of the pace at which my life was leading me, that I wanted to do something to prove to myself, to assure myself, that I had not lost control completely. These actions were meant to console me, and to make me feel as if  I still had control over a couple of decisions. But the fact is, my blog is one of the few things worth living for.

I am back to normal now. My exams are upon me, so I will be using blogger with care. Maybe a post here, a post there, but nothing at the expense of my studies. Because I worked all my life to get to the top, and I am not ready to flush it all down the toilet for absolutely anything in the world. It is what I live for and breathe for. It is what keeps my heart beating.

I could remove my earlier post, but I am not doing that. I want to keep it as a testimony of my insanity.

Thank God you saved me from the rut.

I am back and I am never going back again.

Laus Deo.